Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
How Do I Tell Her?
(Elise on Lucky) (Petting Lucky) (Elise at age 3 on her cow!)
(Elise at the Petting Farm) (Birthday Balloon!) (Crystal, temperamental, beautiful)
How do I tell her? It is going to feel worse than pulling out a sliver in her foot; or really close to that feeling of panic and fear of learning her TWO best friends will be moving this summer and she'll have to start over in the best friends department; or that maybe, just maybe we won't be here in Eden forEVER.... It really is eating me up inside, I have no clue how to prepare her for the next blow and I know it is coming and I can't stop it. I feel helpless and scared and hurt FOR her. But Aunt Sharon has to sell her horses. It has played out like a daytime drama here at our house, but Lucky and Crystal are no longer 'welcome' on the property and will be up for sale in the coming weeks. Elise has LOVED not just horses, but these two horses in particular for her entire life. I know as a mother, as a person that she will get over it eventually.... but I know her well enough to know that this is going to be very hard for her. Likely the most challenging loss she's experienced so far in her life. We haven't told her yet because she's struggling still with the news of her two best friends moving out of state at the end of the school year. It has effected her grades, her attitude, seemingly her very core. I kind of feel like I'm standing behind her with a frying pan and I have to hit her with it... I have no option, but I can't do it... I can't move forward, I can't run away, I can't warn her again (we have warned her that this could happen, but the little darling rode her bike to Aunt Sharon's and offered her her ENTIRE piggy bank to buy them but we have no way of keeping them!) I don't like this feeling!! And I don't like the situation surrounding it, not at all.
I know she'll live through it; I'll live through it. We have so much to be grateful for. So many wonderful beautiful things around us. And she's still got Sky and Alli and riding lessons this summer...... but it doesn't take the sting away. It doesn't make it easy for me to watch and hope she comes running to my arms to cry, because she very likely won't. I can see her running to her room in tears and blaming me and Mike for years for not buying her horses a place to stay where they can be ridden and cared for and loved and cherished by none other than her.
But alas it must be. We can't. We tried. I tried. She tried.
I know she'll live through it; I'll live through it. We have so much to be grateful for. So many wonderful beautiful things around us. And she's still got Sky and Alli and riding lessons this summer...... but it doesn't take the sting away. It doesn't make it easy for me to watch and hope she comes running to my arms to cry, because she very likely won't. I can see her running to her room in tears and blaming me and Mike for years for not buying her horses a place to stay where they can be ridden and cared for and loved and cherished by none other than her.
But alas it must be. We can't. We tried. I tried. She tried.
(Elise at the Petting Farm) (Birthday Balloon!) (Crystal, temperamental, beautiful)
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Monday, December 28, 2009
Coming Soon.....
A slideshow of 2009 is coming soon!! Thanks to my 8 year old for going to her grandma's and using the same bag I used to pack McKenna's stuff to go to Jackson Hole and finding my CAMERA!!!
And yes, I looked in that bag a hundred times. I even used it since the trip in August. Amazing!
Thanks again Mom for having Elise over! She enjoyed it and we loved the movie today!!
And yes, I looked in that bag a hundred times. I even used it since the trip in August. Amazing!
Thanks again Mom for having Elise over! She enjoyed it and we loved the movie today!!
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Have you ever felt that pull?
Last Sunday I felt something I don't recall feeling before, ever. Maybe I have, but this time it seemed so different. It was a spiritual PULL. I could feel some pretty intense feelings of love, understanding, forgiveness, longing to be closer to the Spirit... It was accompanied by an amazing and humbling crushing of my pride. And it grew stronger and stronger through the day. By bedtime I wondered what it really was. I still do. But I will be satisfied in believing in my heart that it might have been an answer to my husband's fasting that day... I haven't asked him why he was, but he was and it wasn't Fast Sunday. And I'll settle with the other strong impression that I felt, that my Heavenly Father knows ME and He wants ME to be CLOSER to HIM, every day. And I need to work on some things in that department. I've felt a bit closer to our Savior the last week, I've been trying hard to feel where and what He wants me to do. In all this hustle and bustle of Christmas and entertaining it has been somewhat difficult as I'm sure it is for most everyone else.
So I guess this is a Thank you. If you prayed and had me in mind or heart last Sunday, I felt it. And there have been times when I should have good reason to feel prayers from others, but THIS time when nothing particular is 'going on' I felt it. It hurt and it was warm all in the same. I loved that pull, that spiritual pull away from temporal. It was very very tangible for me.
Have any of you ever felt that before? I hope you haven't 'had' to, but I hope that you maybe 'got' to.
Merry Christmas.
Here's to a New Year of memories, and being closer to our Savior, Jesus Christ!
~Vicki
So I guess this is a Thank you. If you prayed and had me in mind or heart last Sunday, I felt it. And there have been times when I should have good reason to feel prayers from others, but THIS time when nothing particular is 'going on' I felt it. It hurt and it was warm all in the same. I loved that pull, that spiritual pull away from temporal. It was very very tangible for me.
Have any of you ever felt that before? I hope you haven't 'had' to, but I hope that you maybe 'got' to.
Merry Christmas.
Here's to a New Year of memories, and being closer to our Savior, Jesus Christ!
~Vicki
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